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Good morning - Arsen here. ☕

Welcome back to Bitcoin Therapy. A newsletter where we spoon-feed you the tastiest Bitcoin stories of the week.

First, happy and relaxing Sunday to 4,812 patients reading today. 👋 

There’s a new trivia section at the end of the e-mail. I hope you have as much fun playing it as I had making it :)

Alright, here’s what I got for you this week:

• 3 things to watch this week 🐂

• The SEC goes after Ethereum 🥊

• MicroStrategy now owns 1% of ALL Bitcoin 🤯

Estimated read time: 3 minutes and 4 seconds

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Alright, let’s Bitcoin…

3 THINGS TO WATCH THIS WEEK

1/ Japan’s state pension fund is looking into buying Bitcoin 🇯🇵

Japan.

The land of sushi, anime body pillows (highly recommended), and the largest pension fund in the world.

And when I say ‘largest,’ I mean LARGE.

No biggie, they only manage…*checks notes*…$1.4 Trillion.

Recently, they posted a long statement.

Something, something….“major changes in the economy and society”….something, something….“rapid technological progress.”

Their conclusion? We need to look into Bitcoin as a potential portfolio diversification tool.

Or like my friend William Shakespeare says, “To buy Bitcoin, or not to buy, that is the question.”

This is where you come in. Please post your best Bitcoin memes and tag GPIF.

That should convince them…

2/ Bitcoin ETFs saw a record $2.56 B inflows last week 🚀

This is the HIGHEST weekly inflow since launching.

But as people who eat spicy Mexican food know, the fun doesn’t last forever (it also burns on the way out).

This week, Bitcoin ETFs saw net outflows for 5 consecutive days.

The reason?

1. Falling prices

2. Grayscale Bitcoin ETF has been bleeding since day 1 (they’ve lost a whopping 43% of their BTC so far) 🪦

3. You didn’t stack enough sats

3/ Greenpeace “exposes” Bitcoin - gets instant Karma

Today I was blocked by Greenpeace on X.

My crime? Telling the truth.

Here’s what happened: Greenpeace released a report “exposing” deep ties between the fossil fuel industry, right-wing climate deniers, and bitcoin lobbyists.

Deep ties…you mean like between Greenpeace and Ripple, Bitcoin’s competitor?

The best part? Greenpeace got instantly community noted on X.

Lmao. I love Karma.

Chris Larsen, Ripple founder, gave Greenpeace $5 million, and all he got was a shitty PDF full of screeching and coping.

Anyways. Here’s Bitcoin Therapy's official response to Greenpeace:

OOPS, ETHEREUM MIGHT BE A SECURITY

Don’t do mETH, kids.

If you do, you’ll start imagining crazy things like:

• Flying elephants

• Good weather in the UK

• Ethereum being a commodity

The SEC has a problem with the last one.

This is why they’re investigating the Ethereum Foundation and want to define Ethereum as a security.

Why? Well, because it is a security.

Not convinced? Well, ask yourself this:

• How were the coins created?

• What were the rules that decided how much ETH the founders got?

• Why does the Ethereum Foundation have 100’s of employees, a marketing and R&D budget, and a roadmap?

• Why is ‘Ethereum’ trademarked by the Ethereum Foundation? (I tried trademarking ‘oil’…they didn’t let me)

I have the perfect word to describe this: a company.

A company that:

1. Circumvented all regulations

2. Printed its own money

3. Enriched its founders

The SEC will never, and I repeat NEVER, classify Ethereum as a commodity.

Why? Because that would force them to admit that ‘Shiba Moon Penis Degen Coin’ and the rest of the pump and dumps are also legal.

Anyways. I’m not the one to cheer for state regulation going after BItcoin’s “competitors.”

But this old video from Vitalik, the Chief mETH head, gives the SEC a lot of reasons to investigate Ethereum.

Good job, Vitalik.

I wrote in detail here why Bitcoin is NOT a security (and why 99% of crypto is).

MICROSTRATEGY NOW OWNS 1% OF ALL BITCOIN 🤯

I have a confession to make: I got my bank to give me a cheap student loan in 2019.

What did I do with the money? Bought Bitcoin, of course.

Did I lie to the bank about the purpose of the loan? Yes.

Would I do it again? Also, yes.

And it looks like Michael Saylor is copying my playbook:

1. Take a cheap fiat loan. MicroStrategy borrowed $600 M for 7 years with a measly 0.875% interest rate

2. Buy Bitcoin. MicroStrategy used this money to buy an additional ~$623 M Bitcoin on Monday

3. Become wealthier and take more and cheaper fiat loans

4. Rinse and repeat

By the way, I’m not advising anyone to do this.

Only do it if you’re a Chad like me or Saylor.

Anyways. Here are the latest stats on MicroStrategy’s Bitcoin:

• Owns 214,246 BTC, which is +1% of the total Bitcoin supply (insane, I know)

• The average buy price is $35,160 per Bitcoin (this is proof that Bitcoin DCA works)

King, you dropped this…👑

And Mike, I know you’re reading this. I’m not mad you copied me.

I’m just asking next time you announce your next purchase on X, tag your boy…

Also, I think it’s time to rebrand from MicroStrategy —> MacroStrategy.

QUICK NEWS⚡

• Coinbase custodies 90% of Bitcoin ETFs. If I was a hacker…🍯

• Vanguard STILL doesn’t allow its clients to buy Bitcoin ETF (and instead prefers to have fun staying poor)

• J.P. Morgan: Bitcoin’s allocation in portfolios is 3.7 times bigger than gold. You had a good run, Yellow Rock. Now move outta way, b*tch.

THIS WEEK IN A MEME 📅

BITCOIN TRIVIA 🎮

Let me know if you like this game or if I should bring ‘From the Archive’ back (reply to this email, I always reply back).

PATIENT REVIEW 🧠

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See you next Sunday,

Arsen